Business School Admissions Essay: Accomplishment Questions - Continued

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Why M.B.A.? Questions | Diversity Questions | Accomplishment Questions Leadership Questions | Other Activities Questions | Role Model Questions Failure Questions | Very Personal Questions

COMMENTS:

This applicant discusses three accomplishments. The first is a professional achievement with specific details about both the difficulties he encountered and the contributions he made. His second accomplishment stems from his involvement in his community. Note that he makes the following unnecessary statement: "This experience was remarkable because it afforded me the privilege of making a positive difference in the lives of others." Although this is certainly true, the writer would be better off showing the difference he has made and leaving it at that. Nevertheless, the overall account is still strong, because he does return to focus on specific duties he had and results for which he was responsible.

His final accomplishment falls under the category of a personal achievement. Note that he is able to avoid sounding boastful by acknowledging but downplaying praise: "My act was heralded in the newspapers and recognized by a citation from the highway patrol and the county in which the event occurred, but this hardly equaled the feeling I received from having saved this boy's life." Few of us have been involved in saving another person's life, but this story provides a strong model of engaging dramatic narration and effective use of detail. The writer does not need to spend many words evaluating the significance of his story, because the details have already revealed so much to the reader about his character.

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