Business School Admissions Essay: Role Model Questions - Continued

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Erika has had a deep influence on me. What I most admire about her is her strong belief that we have the responsibility to help others become better persons. She lives according to this credo, which she has used as a guideline since she was very young. She has shown me the importance of a attaining a balanced life and contributing to society while accumulating practical skills. Most recently, she has encouraged me to obtain an MBA, because it gave her the skills needed to complete her development and help others.

COMMENTS:

This applicant writes a very effective portrayal of a woman who overcame gender constraints to become a successful professional. More importantly for the purposes of this lesson, he demonstrates that a role model need not be a direct professional superior. Indeed, though it can be done well, simply profiling your last boss will not showcase your uniqueness unless you include details particular to that relationship. It shows a bit more depth to describe your admiration for a person outside the office altogether, then establish a connection between that relationship and your professional life.

In this essay, note how the writer illustrates Erika's qualities by describing her specific actions. The applicant concludes by articulating exactly what she admires most about Erika and showing how her life has changed as a result of knowing her. These passages prevent the piece from becoming a straightforward biography of Erika—a person who is interesting to the admissions committee not as a person per se, but rather as a significant influence on you, the applicant.