Admissions Essay Introductions - Continued

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College Essay Introductions and Conclusions:

Introductions | Conclusions

The following is a list of possible approaches to the introduction.

Jump Right In

Some people will start with a compelling experience but will insist upon prefacing that experience with a very generic statement, like the following: "I want to go to graduate school to learn and achieve my goals." People often write such a statement because they feel obligated to restate the question in some way. If your essay is answering the question of why you want to go to graduate school, you should demonstrate your reasons without relying on such a bland summary sentence.

Consider this applicant's introduction:

"I can't tell you in which peer group I'd fit best, because I'm a social chameleon and am comfortable in most; I will instead describe my own social situation and the various cliques I drift in and out of."

This applicant writes what starts out as a potentially engaging introduction, but the paragraph immediately loses the reader's interest by telling him what the applicant is going to write about.

Now consider the applicant's second paragraph:

"My high school's student body is from a part of town that is much more diverse than the rest of the city, and the city as a whole is more diverse than most of the state. The location of my school, only a few blocks from the University of Oregon, is greatly responsible for the social atmosphere. Whereas the other high schools in town draw mainly from middle-class white suburban families, mine sits in the division between the poor west university neighborhood and the affluent east university one. East university is hilly and forested with quiet residential streets and peaceful, large houses. A few blocks west, using the university as the divider, the houses become small and seedy. On the west side of my school there are many dirty apartments; crime is high and social status is low."

Here, the writer engages the reader by providing a vivid description of the locale of his home and school. He probably felt he needed the introductory paragraph so the reader would not be confused by his second paragraph. However, by adding such a short and bland introduction, he has actually decreased the effectiveness of his personal statement. It is sometimes unnecessary to establish context right away. Indeed, some mystery can go a long way toward compelling the admissions officer to continue reading actively. Let your story flow, engaging the reader and gradually relating setting and context.