College Admissions Essay - Continued

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Now, every time I imagine myself covering a plane crash or writing an article about some new political scandal, I think of that little essay and the lives it affected. I visualize the personal satisfaction of seeing my name in the by-line of the story thousands all over the region are reading. I can only imagine touching people’s souls, the way I did that one day Memorial Day.

COMMENTS:

This student is clearly a good writer. He establishes setting and context without doing so explicitly. By stating, “What I had not anticipated was a sleek, black memorial that angled out from the side of a hill. Gazing at the stark granite and the infinite list of names, I could not imagine choosing another sight to write about,” he allows the reader to infer that he has come face-to-face with a war memorial, a moving tribute he has chosen as the topic of his contest essay.

The second paragraph opens with a sentence that seems to indicate the student may be a bit conceited. However, he quickly follows it with a statement that relates his more humble side: “I was, however, shocked to win first place in the eighth-grade division.” The fourth paragraph succeeds in creating a vivid sense of the situation in the reader’s mind.

The applicant notes the power of the event through this statement: “He was one of the contest judges, and he had found it difficult to complete reading my composition from behind his tears. He had to give it to his wife to finish.” Focusing on how the man’s response to his essay moved the student to realize his passion for and ability in writing evinces a mature young man focused on a clear goal (“Despite my many remarks to adults that I was going to be an engineer or scientist, I knew deep down that I really wanted to continue writing.”). This is the major accomplishment: self-realization. What makes this applicant special is that he has followed up on his interest in writing, thinking about the ways in which he will use his skill in the future: “Now, every time I imagine myself covering a plane crash or writing an article about some new political scandal, I think of that little essay and the lives it affected.”

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College Admission Essay

College Admission Essay
Brainstorming a College Essay Topic
College Essay Structure and Outline
Admission Essay Style and Tone
Essay Introductions and Conclusions
College Essay Editing and Revising
MBA Admission Essay
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