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When we walked past her I gave her money. It was not out of pity but rather out of admiration. Her smile of thanks did not interrupt her singing. The girl watched us as we walked down the street. I know this because when I looked back she smiled again. We shared that smile, and I knew I would never forget her courage and inner strength. She was only a child, yet was able to pull her own weight during these uncertain times. On the streets of Moscow, she used her voice to help her family survive. For this "Annie," there is no Daddy Warbucks to come to the rescue. Her salvation will only come when Russia and its people find prosperity.
This essay opens with an engaging introduction, creating a vivid, detailed picture of the experience in the reader’s mind. Using the character of Little Orphan Annie as a way to give the reader a sense of Elaina’s qualities is successful. Though the student knows most people will have knowledge of the character, she adds extra detail to make Elaina distinctive. Such descriptive phrases as “Russian peasant,” “Arbat Street,” “old-style lamppost,” and “shadow of a building” help establish the unique setting in a creative manner.
The middle paragraph develops the significance of the issue, comparing it to the Great Depression of the 1930s. This specific evidence, combined with the detailed explanation of the student’s personal experience, wins over the reader to the student’s argument.
This essay is interesting because the thesis is at the end of the essay. Since the student has been subtle with her points, using a vivid description of the anecdote to plead her case, the strategy is successful. The student comes across as a mature candidate, because she has an opinion she backs up with evidence without being preachy.
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