Sample College Admission Essay: Influential Person 2 - Continued

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Sample College Admissions Essay One
Sample College Admissions Essay two

COMMENTS:

Writing about the death of a parent is one of the most difficult things an applicant could choose to do. This student took on the challenge and, as a result, produced a terrific essay. The piece is very positive at first, relating vivid, precise, intimate details of the student’s life with her mother. Though some of the details may seem mundane, they provide the reader with much insight into the girl, her mother, and her mother’s influence upon her.

The piece surprises the reader—just as the tragic event shocked the writer—at the end of the penultimate paragraph when the student states: “I never thought cancer could strike so quickly, could kill someone so strong and determined in only a year.” The major concern is that the essay becomes too negative in the conclusion, focusing on how the applicant feels “cheated” by the painful loss of her mother. However, the reader understands how incredibly difficult it must have been for this girl to write such an essay and is impressed by her maturity.

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