Sentence Variety - Continued

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Essay Styles and Tone Categories:

Sentence Variety | Word Choice | Verbs | Transitions | Essay Clichés

The second version still includes a complex sentence, but separating out one clause makes the ideas much clearer. We are not advocating the extreme simplicity of the third version. It is oversimplified not only because it sounds choppy, but because it has removed certain textual relationships that were in the original—most importantly, "Having accumulated. . .I now look forward."

Varying Constructions

Sentence variety is not just a matter of length: A well-paced piece of writing will vary its sentence constructions as well. Everyone can recognize what is wrong with the following:

I walked into the room. The patient looked up at me. I greeted him with a smile. His eyes brightened.

Most people, however, would write something like the following without realizing their error:

Having entered the room, I saw the patient look up at me. Sensing his discomfort, I tried to ease his concerns by greeting him with a smile. Appreciating my gesture, he responded with glowing eyes.

Every sentence starts with a present participle (a verb + "ing" --> adjective), followed by the subject and the predicate. The following is an improved version:

I saw the patient look up as I entered the room. Sensing his discomfort, I tried to ease his concerns by greeting him with a smile. Although his brightening eyes showed that he appreciated my gesture, pain prevented him from responding any further.

The first sentence now starts with the subject, and the third sentence introduces a new kind of dependent clause with the conjunction "although."